Sexual Frustrations

I just realized that I didn't blog yesterday... but then it doesn't surprise me under the circumstances. I've been having some issues recently that have been affecting my ability to think straight much less get any work done.

I've been feeling really frustrated lately... you know the frustration of the sexual variety. I think this knowledge probably came as a bit of a shock to Master for two reasons:

1) I hate sex... well I used to anyway.

2) He's been giving me orgasms several times a day (when we're able to be alone).

So why have I been frustrated? Well for you to really understand, I'll have to explain something first... and even then I can't promise this won't leave you absolutely baffled.

I know there are a lot of people out there who don't believe in the concept of "coming on command" and even less who understand the reason people do it. But then again, in this lifestyle, is there really a reason for half the things we do? At least from another person's perspective... most people think we're crazy (I used to be one of them, I know).

Well I'm living proof that a person can come on command, but it is not the same kind of orgasm that you have when your genitals are being stimulated. Those types of orgasms originate in the genitals. The ones I experience when I'm told to come originate in the sacral chakra, which is right about where a woman's womb is. It causes a contraction... or series of contractions... that are non painful, but sorta resonate throughout your entire body.

These types of orgasms are very profound and generally can't be reached through sexual stimulation alone. There has to be a spiritual element involved too. They are actually the types of orgasms people who practice tantra experience (which I did at one time). If you've ever heard of a man experiencing an orgasm without ejaculating... this is the type of orgasm that he had.

The thing about these orgasms is that they don't leave you feeling sexually fulfilled. So why have them? Well because they do leave you feeling spiritually fulfilled. They can be so intense at times that you are literally brought to a trance-like state, much like subspace. In fact, I would say it is essentially the same thing as subspace. On a spiritual level, these types of orgasms can be an extraordinary experience.

Like I said before, I practiced tantra at one point in my life. It was very brief, but long enough to understand and experience what it can do. So I think that's why I am able to come on command the way I do. It's just a matter of reconnecting to that level of being... if that makes any sense. It's not something Master trained me for, it's just something that happened... that we discovered he could do to me one day when we were playing.

I think it takes a very trusting and deep relationship with someone for them to be able to do something like this to you. You need to have a very deep spiritual connection with that person. It also helps to be familiar with energy work and more specifically tantra. I would suggest to anyone who would want to experience something like this to learn about and practice tantra for a while.

It really is an incredible experience and believe it or not... for women who have trouble having orgasms (which I did) it's a lot easier to experience this type of orgasm than it is the other kind... and it makes having the other kind a hell of a lot easier. After having an orgasm like this you will be very sensitive to any touch, and your genitals especially will feel on the verge of explosion. You could very well have a physical orgasm right after one of these.

Which brings me to my problem... I have never been able to experience this type of orgasm in conjunction with a physical one. I honestly don't even know if it's possible. For me it's either one or the other. So what's been happening is when we have sex, I'll feel right on the edge and ask Master permission to come, to which he will say those "magic" words and BAM. The spiritual orgasm takes over and the genital region stays in overload... so what happens is when this orgasm passes, I'm still right on the edge. I ask for persmission again and BAM. Same thing... over and over and over.

I didn't understand what was happening and why I kept feeling more and more in need. The ache has been so incredibly unbearable, but all I could tell Master was that I've just been feeling more horny than normal. I attributed it to the fact that I happen to be at the time in my life when a women experiences her sexual peak (for men it happens in adolescence... for women it happens a bit later). I was thinking that because of that I've just been feeling insatiable.

When I realized that it wasn't that... or more to the point that it was only part of the problem, I told Master what was going on. So this morning we had sex and I was allowed to come whenever I felt I needed to... and OMG... I have never had that many orgasms simultaneously at all before... much less during sex. Wow!

Master also told me I can masturbate today and come as often as I need to, which I'm grateful for, but I've never been able to have a good orgasm while masturbating. Hell, Master is the first person I've had sex with that could make me orgasm during sex... at least the physical kind. The spiritual ones still come easier to me, but I'm hoping now that I've been able to make that distinction that will change. :)